so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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