I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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