I cannot find my penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No subtext here. People are naked.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
