I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
