Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
