They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
