i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
