trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
