I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
someone owes me an orgasm
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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