I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
