Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
