Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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