Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
