he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
