she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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