I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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