She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
