Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
