HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
