I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
