apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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