Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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