I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
