I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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