she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
