You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
