You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
