She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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