I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
