She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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