it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
