we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
