Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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