I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This baby is an asshole
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
