Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
