i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
