Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
