lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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