Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
