So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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