So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
