Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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