Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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