I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
