Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
