"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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