Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
