How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
