Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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