Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
