I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
